Love, most of us want it, some of us are over it, yet a few of us will ever get to truly experience it. We often ask ourselves the continuous and sometimes painful question of “Why hasn’t love found me?”

Someone reading this may have asked themselves that very question when they clicked on this article. However the answer is rather complicated yet simple. Love has not found you, because you are looking for it. As human beings we have a hard time seeing the obvious things that are right in front of our eyes. It’s probably the reason why 60% of people need glasses. However to fully grasp this article you may have to take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror. To understand why love has not found you, brace yourself it will take some self-actualization and introspection.

First things first, you have to ask yourself, why are you looking for love? Don’t start with the, “I have so much love to give that I want to share it with someone else” phrase. I used to say that all the time and what I really meant was, “I am so damn tired of being lonely.” For many people loneliness is the driving factor behind our never-ending quest for love. However, searching for love while you are lonely opens the door to Pandora’s box. You will likely get more than you asked for and definitely not what you expected.

Secondly, you have to ask yourself what will love do for you? We all want love to bring us some level of gratification. However, don’t fall victim to the belief that falling in love will be this magical event that will suddenly change your life. Are you expecting love to bring you the happiness you are unable to find within yourself, fill a void that you can’t seem to fill or heal wounds that you haven’t given enough time to heal? If so, you are expecting love to do the work you should be doing for yourself. Even if you find someone to love you, their love may not fulfill you.

Lastly, you have to ask yourself what are you willing to do for love? Most people ignore this question, simply because they believe their willingness to be in love is enough. However, this isn’t solely about what you can give someone, this is about what are you willing to sacrifice in order for love to find you. Love won’t find you if you are selfish. Point. Blank. Period. We all have to sacrifice something and it usually starts with sacrificing the aspects of who we are that are not suitable for a relationship. Love is a full time job that you should not apply for unless you are qualified.

Now you may have said “hold up” after reading that line. But in order for love to find you, you must first be a suitable candidate. It might take a moment for your love application to process, simply because it is a process. The problem is too many of us grow impatient, try to become “love entrepreneurs” and find love on our own. When we take matters into our own hands we usually end up with a pile of unqualified applicants. So have patience and let love find you.