One day last week I was feeling… everything. So I decided to take a cleansing bath. I infused the bathwater with Florida Water, pink salt, baking soda, lavender, frankincense essential oil, and rose geranium essential oil. I lit some candles and an incense, put Badu on shuffle, and set intentions for the bath before lowering myself in.
Once in I just sat. I had no idea what was troubling me, but I figured the bath would help, and if not able to work on its own, the Badu would definitely add the extra kick for me to be able to identify and then unpack whatever it was that had me feeling all the feels.
I was right, Badu came through for me. She always does. As I lay in the tub, I hear Track No. 9 on New Amerykah Pt.1 (4th World War), That Hump. The lyrics spoke directly to what I was feeling at the time. Especially “Lord knows I’m trying.” Yes, this is another post about the transition space that I’m in. Y’all. It’s real outchea, lol. While the song was playing I visualized the space I’m currently in as the hump. In my visualization, I was able to see the hump and myself in relation to it. I was at the top of it. It’s almost time for me to get over this hump.
On one hand, I’m scared and I find that I’ve been stalling in small almost unnoticeable ways. What it ultimately comes down to is that I’m having a hard time letting go. Letting go tends to be a bit of a struggle for me when it comes to places and people. I think it’s a comfort thing. I appreciate comfort in a space and with a person so much that when it’s established, I want it to last forever, thanks, Cancer Moon. This has been the most amazing, magical, and transformative three years of my life. I accomplished EVERYTHING I set out to do. I evolved into the best and most authentic version of me that I have ever been. I have so much love and adoration for this place. It’s home. It always felt like home. I never had to adjust, I just fit. I have so much love and adoration for who I’ve become in this place. In a way, Hampton has been a womb.
On the other hand, I know it’s time to go. The comfort isn’t that comfortable anymore. I feel the womb closing in on me. Or rather, I feel me outgrowing the womb (perspective). I’m too big for this space now. I’m learning the last bit of lessons from this cycle because my new cycle will bring a whole new set of lessons (most of which will be extensions of the present lessons, because this life thing is cumulative). The contractions have started. I don’t have much longer before I’m on the other side.
I’m excited to see what I will create on this leg of the journey.